BETWEEN WORLDS: BEHIND THE SCENES (CHAPTER 17)
Taking a look back at Chapter 17
This chapter was the last in a trio of chapters that took us away from the court and the tension-filled relationships he’s been having there to turn this around to other relationships in Azeil’s life. We had his date with Nia, him growing his friend group as he struggled with an essay he worked on, and now the spotlight turns to the relationship with his father.
When crafting who I wanted Jackson to be, I knew I wanted to highlight the differences between Elise and himself. Not just from the fact that Elise is a Black woman while he is a white man, but that she is driven, book smart, outspoken while Jackson is street smart, has a solid work ethic, quiet and to himself. We’ve seen bits and pieces of him in that regard, but this is the first time we get to spend a substantial amount of time with him with no one else around Azeil.
Fatherhood is a tricky thing. At the outset, you have this little bundle of joy and he looks at you like you’re the greatest thing in the world. They need you, they love you, you’re their world. They can’t see your faults or your shortcomings. That is how I envisioned the start of fatherhood for Jackson. He felt like he could do this thing that he felt like was impossible in the nine months prior to Azeil coming into the world. And Azeil gave him that affirmation in those early months and years.
Except, fatherhood isn’t all about the good moments. Because you have to be on just about every single day. You have to step up and deal with the tricky moments — the blowout diapers, the long nights, the tantrums that happen. And it makes you question yourself on some level. Am I the right person for this little person? Am I able to really step up in the way that I need to?
It makes you look inside of yourself and wonder who you truly are and do you have the tools available to be selfless and sacrifice so much of yourself (the same goes for motherhood, stop sharpening your knives ladies). I like to think that Jackson realized he couldn’t be that person and didn’t want to stay in Elise’s and Azeil’s way, which is bittersweet. I’m sure Elise fought for this relationship, I’m sure Jackson did as well, but I think both finally came to terms that Jackson couldn’t be what either needed in that moment and instead of struggling and creating this toxic situation, removed himself. Not saying it’s right or wrong, but sometimes having that self-awareness is critical for all involved.
So now he is in a situation where he doesn’t have a choice. He has to step up and be someone who he never thought he could be. I sometimes wonder if Elise thought about that in her final months or if she just thought she would fight through this and never imagined this world where Azeil was living with Jackson.
With all that being said, seeing these moments between the two is powerful because much like a mother/daughter relationship is fraught, especially in teenage years, so is a father/son relationship during those same years. Because you’re looking at a mirror in so many ways (both ways) and it’s tough coming to terms with who you are, who you’re about to become, and the person you raised. And Jackson is learning that all in real time, even as there’s not conflict between these two during this chapter.
See you tomorrow for Chapter 18.
Hope you enjoyed this insight into Chapter 17. If you want to catch-up on BETWEEN WORLDS please check out the chapter index. In addition, be notified on the next post by subscribing below.